#i think it's very hurtful to addison for a lot of reasons

[hsslilly-blog]

and well. claire doesn't Tell addison about it. they're exposed. she learns about it at the same time as everyone else. like wow. you hid this from me for a year? and you hid it from me because you knew i was going to be against it? after everything we've talked about? after everything we've shared with one another? i don't know you

[unikhroma]

the big acid theory post

(i am sorry for how long this is)

couple weeks ago someone on discord asked if i could dm them my gripes about acid theory, since they hadn't seen any criticisms of it. i was very surprised to hear that so of course i did what any normal deltarune fan would do and wrote an essay (aka complained for several paragraphs). posting for reference sake so i have all my thoughts in one place and never make a post about this topic again

----------

basically my criticisms for acid theory are on all tiers/interpretations of it as an life-changing event where he ends up disfigured. i don't think it makes much sense to happen for multiple reasons

for it to happen from a narrative perspective i don't really buy it. spamton's downfall is already tragic in that he lost his friends, his fame and fortune, and got evicted. in regards to the mansion, the eviction itself is the tragedy, in particular that it's implied that it wasn't only him that got evicted that day. a swatchling says that the mansion used to be for high-class citizens. the rooms that were once for these citizens are now for lightners, so it wasn't just that he had no money, he was gonna get kicked out anyway.

i mention this cause a common interp of acid theory is that the mansion staff threw him in as punishment, and i think there's little evidence for that given the circumstances. a while ago i went on this whole spiel about how mischaracterizing queen and/or swatch to try and support the theory makes it weaker to me but that's additional stuff

and about the acid as a threat, it's hard to take it seriously when the majority of mentions of it are for gags or game design-related. for example, the gold berdly statue being dropped into the acid slowly dips in because if it just sank instantly, you could very easily miss it. the swatchling being stranded on the island is a goof with anticipating a battle the moment you set the bridge out for them.

for spamton falling into the acid as an explanation for whatever caused him to be a physical puppet (this is going off of taking the addisons' word that he was an addison too), it doesn't really line up. it doesn't make a lot of sense from a lore standpoint; there's no evidence to suggest that the addisons look like puppets underneath. i mean it's an interesting hc, but to assume it's canon that that's why spamton looks like a puppet now is kinda just filling in blanks.

that one q&a answer where spamton talks about there being some kind of "spamton method" he used every day and became "big" to me implies that it was some kind of slow transformation into a puppet. it's not much to go off of, but it's a lot more compelling than taking a tumble in acid. there's more mystery there and might even explain why spamton showed up to the mansion less over time

i think at this point it's clear that at some point he did get pushed in by someone, as stated in the spa attire from the sweepstakes and one of his valentine's cards, but to me it seems like it was an example of him being mistreated by the other rich residents in the mansion. before he talks about getting pushed in a pool, he mentions that he's gotten swirlies at the mansion, and to me it seems like he's still really bothered by his treatment there which is why he mopes about it.

queen mentioning that the acid can shrink people is also played for jokes, even susie in the ch3 video saying that they'll die if they drink the acid is played for jokes (also i think it would probably hurt them cause they're lightners and not cyber darkners)

anyway, if acid theory ends up being directly confirmed without any cryptic wording and all that i would still dislike it. i just don't think it fits with spamton or ch2's themes and it's randomly dark in a way that's not appealing to me. i like psychological horror more and the puppetfication thing already fits that. i know it's definitely appealing to others and i don't think people are bad for liking it per se, but it's not my kinda thing at all nor do i think it's canon, so i personally want nothing to do with it

[corrupted-creatures]

Ugh okay I need to talk about Swatch and Spamton again because they make me insane. Long post under the cut

Been thinking about how Spamton and Swatch talk about each other (specifically in Swatch's in-game dialogue and the Q&A from the Spamton Sweepstakes) and how it reflects their thoughts and feelings on Spamton's downfall and eviction, the NEO body situation, and each other. I am absolutely reading too much into this but I think about them a lot and their dynamic fascinates me.

So during the Spamton Sweepstakes Q&A, Spamton says this in response to a question regarding Swatch:

I'm specifically referring to the second paragraph here. Spamton claims that Swatch only pretended to be his friend (and a close one at that, what with the "shoulder to cry on" statement), and that they only listened to Queen in the end. It is clear just in this statement that Spamton holds some degree of anger towards Swatch.

Personally, while I don't subscribe to the Acid Theory myself, I do think that Swatch may have been at least somewhat involved in Spamton's eviction (beings that they're a high-ranking employee of Queen and all). Perhaps they were the one to deliver the news to Spamton, perhaps they helped gather his things in preparation, I'm not sure. Regardless, they didn't do anything to stop it (that Spamton knew of, at least) and Spamton likely felt betrayed by this. After all, someone he viewed as a close friend (or if your a swatchton enjoyer like me, romantic interest/crush) wasn't there when he needed them most. With how catastrophically his life was falling apart, who could blame him for being upset?

Then there's the issue of the NEO body. We know that it's a very closely guarded secret that nobody is to mess with, and I wouldn't doubt if Swatch or the Swatchlings thwarted at least a few of Spamton's attempts to reach it. To Spamton, though, that is his one ticket to freedom/Heaven, and he needs it. Being denied that ticket in favor of upholding Queen's orders undoubtedly hurt Spamton and led to the anger we see, however justified you may believe it to be. His past experiences with the Addisons certainly don't help. From Spamton's perspective, I can see how he might think that Swatch only pretended to be his friend, though I don't think he fully believes that himself personally.

On the other side of the coin, we have Swatch. In their shop dialogue, they refer to Spamton with far more impersonal terms than Spamton uses to refer to them (see: "valued customer"). While it's easy to conclude that they simply didn't view Spamton as a particularly close friend based on their language, I don't believe that to be the case.

We know that Swatch has a personal connection to the NEO body. They helped turn the Lighter's hopes and dreams into a reality in creating it, after all, which is something they speak of quite fondly. We also know that it is powerful, dangerous, and most importantly, corrupted data. It is locked away in the basement due to the risk it could pose if it fell into the wrong hands. All of this to say that Spamton's repeated attempts to break into the basement to steal the NEO body, even going as far as impersonating Swatch to do so, was almost certainly a massive breach of Swatch's trust. The fact it wasn't a one-time offence would only further worsen their perception of Spamton (which is what I believe contributed to the vitriolic tone Swatch has when you talk to them after defeating Spamton NEO).

I don't think that a major betrayal of trust is the only reason for Swatch's total disconnect when talking about Spamton, though. If we are to believe that Swatch was genuinely close with Spamton (which I do), then it would make sense that they hold a lot of guilt regarding his situation.

For as high up in Queen's mansion as they are, Swatch could not prevent Spamton's eviction, nor could they disobey Queen's orders no matter how much they may wish to (something I would like to get into in another post). They did not- could not- stop any of the terrible things that happened to Spamton. Then they had to kick him out of the mansion over and over again, denying Spamton what he sought because of a desperation Swatch did not understand. And then, when Spamton finally succeeded in acquiring the NEO body and was quickly defeated by Kris after, Swatch had to grapple with that guilt as well. I think they feel like they failed Spamton above all else.

Both Swatch and Spamton feel the other has betrayed them. At the same time, though, they both care so deeply about the other that these betrayals (perceived or otherwise) have wounded them in terrible ways. There is a lot of guilt there, too, mainly on Swatch's end. Spamton's downfall, and especially the NEO body, have torn such a massive rift between the two that repairing it would take a lot of time and patience. I do, however, feel that it's not only possible, but feasible that they could as they certainly still hold the other close to their hearts in their own ways (and I've seen some fics that explore that mending beautifully).

Anyways yeah that's my thoughts about a couple of simple lines of dialogue said by characters I think about way too much. If you want to know more of my thoughts on these two, be it individually, in a ship sense, or otherwise, feel free to drop me an ask! I would love to share more of my thoughts about Swatch and Spam <3 Thanks for reading!!

EDIT: Reworded a couple of things for clarity

[midnightrings]

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the scene between Hawk and Tim in the latest episode – especially about Hawk’s intentions.

I’ve already seen people discuss whether Hawk’s gift to Tim was genuine or merely a tool to manipulate Tim into doing him a favor.

Tbh, I don’t think the cufflinks are a thoughtless present at all. Giving a person you care about something that once belonged to you is actually very intimate and meaningful. It’s a nice gesture. And Hawk giving Tim something with his initials on is also very much in character lmao (and quite bold). But it was definitely not a planned gift. The cufflinks weren’t even inside the box yet, so Hawk had not thought about giving them to Tim prior  – which doesn’t mean that the gift itself is bad, just that Hawk is an ass.

I think that the main reason Hawk gave Tim the cufflinks, and was overall sweeter and more considerate than usual, was because he knew this might be one of their last nights together. He knew he would have to end things with Tim – because of the interrogation and upcoming polygraph test, but also because he has just learned that Miss Addison was the one who has reported him, all because of the book Tim had given him. On top of that, Hawk has clearly never planned for this to go on for too long, or to build too deep of a connection. So he probably knew at this point that things had to come to an end, and wanted to make the night memorable for both of them.

What I feel like is not completely clear, is whether Hawk had always planned on giving Tim that envelope for Schine. Hawk has only learned about the meeting in New York that evening, and there had also been plenty of time to hand Tim the envelope since he had collected the evidence. Maybe he was hesitant, because this could very easily put Tim in danger, and was simply waiting for the right moment.

But I also feel that handing Tim the envelope and planning to end things with him were going hand in hand here. It is a dangerous thing for Tim to do, and if they continue seeing one another, the envelope could be traced back to Hawk.

The cufflinks fit both of his motives in this scene: making Tim happy, but also giving him something so he can ask him for a favor in return. Tim would’ve probably agreed to do that favor for him either way – the cufflinks were unnecessary. Interestingly, I think it is because of his present that Tim’s mood changes, as he’s probably wondering whether Hawk had ulterior motives all along.

Honestly, I think that the cufflinks were a genuine gift. They were happy in that moment and Hawk knew that Tim would have to leave soon, for maybe the last time, so he decided to give him a present. He’s probably always intended to hand that envelope to Tim, with or without cufflinks. Maybe there were underlying intentions when he thought of the gift, but I don’t think those were his main motives.

But even if Hawk’s intentions were genuine, it definitely didn’t look like that to Tim. He was crying of happiness one moment, and after Hawk asked for a favor, that happiness is completely gone. He’s asking Hawk if he will see him again, not when, so he probably realized that something was off.

I feel like Hawk genuinely wanted this to be a sweet, memorable night for them. But because he always has some ulterior motives and is incapable of being honest and open, he still ended up hurting Tim, and his actions will most likely have consequences.

[movedtodykedvonte]

Addisons: he didn't change that much, whatever happened to him was bad, but surely not horrible?

Spamton: bitch, I forgot what it's like to feel touch, taste and heavens knows what else, what do ya think???

What do they actually think happened to him? If it's not a spoiler or wasn't mentioned before and I forgot, read a lot of fanfiction, tend to mix dome things up

It’s a mixed bag of what they think. 

Audi and Banner thought he was dead. Audi was in denial for a while, delusionally so (I HC the mannequin looks like Spamton for a reason..) but Banner was dismissive enough of Spamton’s rate of survival that it rubbed off, cause hoping and waiting was just hurting Audi more as the years went on with no notices. Banner pretty much believed something bad happened the moment he heard the garbage noise on the phone, they didn’t immediately believe he was dead but thought foul play was involved. The guilt that they didn’t stop it easier to deal with believing he was dead and not out there suffering.

Surv and Pop always had a hope he was alive. I will get into it but a part of Surv working primarily out of town for the most part comes from him believing they can’t find him in the city cause he left. He takes work in distance but not too far areas and has this underlying hope that he’d catch a shadow of his old companion that would lead to something. Pop always thought Spamton was out there surviving. He didn’t how or where but he knew Spamton was too scrappy to just keel over after his fall from the top. Pop worked like crazy to forget about it, she took jobs and just waited for him to come up. Spamton was a ghost in her mind but very much no dead in her heart.

Now that he’s back they just believe he was roughing it on his own the whole time. They don’t know he was a puppet or realize how bad he had it as a big shot yet cuz they never had a lot of contact when the calls got bad. Of course they heard rumors of him being a scammer on the street but they were too scared of them just being rumors to investigate. (they couldn’t keep getting their hopes up.)

[weirdmageddon]

@bigshotautos I DIDN’t want to take over your art with a lot of images so i’m gonna respond here with a new post instead but oh my god.

okay so 1. in my tags i was being superficially silly with it but it also has a hint of truth at how my autistic ass would reason it. i’m just someone who would be genuinely happy for him even if i was his coworker lol, i’m happy because he’s happy and also glad that he wants to include others. but now that you gave me the unobscured text AND the timeframe i see what you were getting at here with the more sour undertone in his words.

i don’t think it’s the wealth itself that would make him feel equalized, but the social connotations that are implied in the wealth disparity. it’s not only the monetary gains but the implications of that—it’s a display of his worth as a salesperson, in the sense that reputation among peers is an objective reflection of what you really are. it’s not just about not making money, but about why you wouldn’t be making money. thereby, by making money, he sees it as a social equalizer to show that he does have dignity and worth in the eyes of his peers and that he is just like them. what i mean by this is clear in your art where he is disconnected from the joy of his peers that he wants to be a part of so much because his experience doesn’t match theirs.

i also think he was being genuine from the start telling the lads the good news but started to be underhanded about his graces out of a place of genuine hurt when he began to feel like they were only putting up with him through gritted teeth (as seen in the art you made). and when they completely ditched him he had a stan pines “fine, i can make it on my own! i don't need you! i don't need anyone! i’ll make millions and you'll rue the day you turned your back on me” moment just as you said. and that was probably definitely his motivation to keep going and continue getting bigger—hurt and spite.

ANYWAY SO i sent your post in the group chat and we said something along the same lines. i need to share this.

he’s doing a combination of typical addison bragging and flexing, but also wants to be seen at their level and be accepted

this part especially stuck out i could talk about this shit forever because i have a book that goes into this and its incredible to see with stunning accuracy how it describes spamton’s sort of phenomenological experience and structure (and us in the group chat too)

i just think it explains the very core of his psyche. in the way that you were trying to get across as well i think (or at least that sits upon this underlying foundation)

[jobrookekarev]

don't you think it's weird that Mer doesn't text Alex? she lives exchanging messages with Cristina. and another she hasn't talked to Jo since season 16 is weird,

I don't think it's weird that Meredith doesn't text Alex. That’s my opinion though. I mean the way that Alex left vs. the way Cristina left were very different. When Cristina left she and Meredith parted on good terms. They said goodbye in person and dance it out before she left. They vowed to keep in touch and continue being friends despite the fact that Cristina was leaving.

Alex on the other hand pretty much left without a word and stop taking everyone's calls and texts including Meredith’s. He only told her where he was at and what was going on via a letter. He dropped everybody in Seattle like a hot potato. He left and never looked back. I'm sure that Meredith is just as hurt as Jo is and she has every right to be.

Her best friend in the whole world, her person, left her without a word and didn't give her the decency to even call her or even tell her in person. Although Meredith understood the reason why he left, she also left without a word after Derek died. However, her husband died and she came back. Alex became a dad and he was experiencing the joys of parenthood, not the devastating loss of his soulmate. He didn't feel the need to share that joy with his best friend. I can understand why Meredith is hurt and isn't in contact with Alex.

As for Jo and Meredith, I'm not sure why they haven’t had any scenes together. Meredith was still in a coma for almost the entirety of season 17. Also during that season and this season, everybody has their own covid pods and certain actors wouldn't interact. So Jo pretty much only interacted with Levi, Helm, Link, and Jackson in season 17 and it looks like they’re going to keep that. Meredith is in Montana this season and we’ve only had two episodes. She hasn't interacted with anyone other than Bailey and Hayes over the phone, and Amelia in person because she was there, so I’m sure she’ll interact with others once she gets back to Grey-Slone.

I love their friendship and mentorship so I’m really hoping that Meredith and Jo get a lot more screen time, even though Jo has was switched specialties. Especially with Addison coming back and Meredith knowing Addison. I'm hoping that Jo will try and convince Meredith to let her in the case or something.

[staarshines]

adhjdjs yesss!! very happy that i found smone else writing for karev haha. could you do number 6 from the frozen prompts with him :’))

Surprises, Surprises, & More Surprises || A.K.

Warnings: None!

Word Count: 1.6k

After a sleepless night, Alex decides you’ve had enough and pulls off a surprise for you, which surprisingly leads to feelings being revealed.

[A/N]: I’m only on season 14 of Grey’s, so if you want to send me a request with a specific scene that happens in the show, please make sure it’s not a spoiler!

Disney Prompts | Nat’s 500

“Hey, wake up.” Your head snaps up and you blink a couple of times, finding yourself standing over a nurse’s station desk. Groaning, you rub your eyes, checking the time and finding that you hadn’t even been asleep for one full minute. “You okay?” You turn to Alex, finding him with raised eyebrows and a concerned look on his face.

“I’m fine,” you yawn, pressing the save button on your file and placing the tablet that you had been working on before you fell asleep on a charger stand.

“You were literally asleep standing up. We have on-call rooms for a reason.”

“The mattresses in there are shit. I still gotta pester Webber to replace those,” you mutter, sighing.

“Were you up studying for a surgery or something?” You shake your head, running a tired hand through your hair to tame it as best you could.

“Meredith and Derek were at it all night. I should’ve known to not take the room under hers intern year,” you state solemnly, sticking out your tongue playfully when Alex laughs at you.

“I told you that you can come sleep with me if that ever happens.”

“What a very tempting offer, Karev, but I’m just not interested. Must be hard for you to face rejection?” you tell him sarcastically, flipping your hair exaggeratedly. 

Honestly? That was the furthest one could get from the truth. You’d had a crush on him since intern year, and you knew you loved him the second year of residency. Those feelings had failed to dissipate, and they haunted you every day. Watching him get with Izzie, then Olivia, next came Addison, then Rebecca, Callie, Lexie; the point is evident. He’d gotten with all of them, but he couldn’t see that the person who’d loved him for years was right in front of his face.

“Oh, shut up. But really. I don’t want you falling asleep on the job when you can just get a good night’s sleep next to me.” For some reason, his last sentence makes butterflies go crazy in your stomach, which is probably the millionth time that’s happened. You wished there was something under those words, you really did, but you’d come to terms with the fact that he didn’t like you a while ago.

“I’m not falling asleep!”

“Oh, please. You were literally asleep standing up.”

“I was resting my eyes,” you defend yourself. “I was just giving my spine a break from supporting my head for a bit.” 

“Yeah, right,” he chuckles, making you push his shoulder.

“I actually went up to your room. You were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you, though,” you lie with a straight face. 

You had gone up to his room and even sat down on the edge of the bed, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. Not stressed or snappy like he’d be on most days, but genuinely peaceful. Eventually, you’d left because you knew you’d get more sleep in your own room than Alex’s; you’d just be staring at him the entire night. 

God, you really could never get enough of that face.

“We both know damn well that I’m a heavy sleeper. Just don’t steal the duvet, yeah?” You laugh with a nod. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“What’s this, the fourth time this has happened?”

“Sixth,” you correct with another yawn. “Or seventh. I honestly don’t know.” He tilts his head, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head. “Whatcha thinking, evil spawn?”

“That’s Cristina’s thing. And I’m thinking…” he trails off, prompting you to raise your eyebrows and wave a hand in front of his face. “You know what? I have a surprise for you. You get off at nine today, right?”

“I do, but why? What’s the surprise?” you question, genuinely intrigued as to what he was gonna pull off. 

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?” You pout, watching him wink at you and walk off. “I’ll pick you up at the ER entrance once you’re done!” he calls out to you. You nod and realize there’s a patient you need to get to, but you’re deep in your thoughts as you walk the hallway to the Cardiac ICU.

What the hell was he gonna pull off?

“Put this on.” Alex hands you a blindfold and you look at him with a disbelieving expression, slapping it out of his hand and raising an eyebrow.

“I should’ve known there was something wrong when you sent me that text to meet you in your car,” you laugh, watching him huff.

“If you don’t put on the blindfold, then the surprise is gonna be ruined. You’re gonna know as soon as we pull into the damn lot, so just put it on?” You give him a weary look and pick it up from where you slapped it onto the dash of his car, slowly wrapping it around your head. Hearing him start the car, you sigh and bite your lip.

“I swear, if you’re playing some kind of joke, I’ll land you in the E.R., and not even by accident.” He chuckles before reversing the car and driving out of Grey-Sloan’s parking lot.

“Can I take this thing off now?” you whine, holding his hands and steadily walking—well, you don’t really know where. He’d just led you up a flight of stairs, so you’re pretty sure you’re walking down a hallway now.

“Just a couple more steps and we’ll be there,” he mutters, holding both of your hands and guiding you—again, you don’t have a clue where. “All right, stop. I gotta open this door.” You can hear keys jangle and you’re even more confused. “Okay, come on.” He leads you into the room, presumably, and puts his hands on the back of your blindfold, untying it. “Voilà!”

You flinch at the sudden change of light, putting a hand over your eyes and slowly blinking until you can open your eyes without any pain. An apartment—maybe a loft?—meets your gaze, and your jaw drops at how beautiful it is. Perfectly catered to your and Alex’s tastes, almost of like he had it custom-made.

“This—Holy shit. This is beautiful. What—How? Wait, why’d you bring me here?” You turn around to find him with a proud grin on his face, and you can read everything just from that. “This is ours?”

“Remember when we went apartment hunting because you started having the same problem with Derek and Mer and we came across that really musty loft that you said you wouldn’t move into in a million years?” He waves around, and your eyes widen.

“That’s this?” You walk slowly further into the loft, still awed by how much it had changed. What once used to look like a place where druggies would go to hang out now looked like a dream apartment. “How the hell did you manage this?”

“Well,” he walks up right next to you, admiring the loft, “you know I don’t like being told I can’t do something.”

“You did this? By yourself?” The surprises keep coming and coming, and you’re pretty sure your jaw is permanently unhinged because of how wide your mouth is open in shock. He nods proudly, putting his hands on his hips. “Let me get this straight. You renovated this by yourself?”

“Not too bad, huh?” You scoff disbelievingly, still not believing what you were seeing. “What? Do you not like it?”

“Are you serious? ‘Not too bad’?”

“We can find a different—”

“No! God, you can be such an idiot at times,” you laugh, pulling him into a hug. “It’s perfect.” He pushes you back by your shoulders but so much so that your arms are still around his torso, eyes darting all over your face to see if you’re kidding.

“You really like it?” You fight back a grin—and fail—at how cute he can be at times, nodding your head eagerly.

“I love it! I could kiss you! I could. I mean, I’d like to. I. May I? We me? I mean, may we? Wait, what?” The gravity of what you just said slaps you right in the face, and you remove your hands from his figure and start to let your mind race for an excuse. “I didn’t mean to say that—”

“You want to kiss me?” he asks in a soft whisper with the smallest smile on his face. You get lost in how awed he looks, nodding slightly.

“I’ve wanted to. Since intern year…” you trail off, thinking it won’t hurt if you tell him a bit more. You’ve already caused enough damage.

You realize it’s definitely not damage when his lips come crashing down into yours and he pulls you into him, hands gently cupping your face.

It’s not a soft kiss, but it’s not a rough kiss, either. It’s a kiss that’s full of longing, emotions, and “I’ve wanted to do this for so long”. You’re so in shock that you don’t actually register when he pulls away, so your eyes stay closed for a couple seconds longer than they should. When you open them, you’re taken aback again by all the adoration swimming in his eyes. Your eyes are having their own conversation with his, silently telling each other everything you two couldn’t communicate verbally.

“You like me?” You’re almost sorry his words break the nearly magical moment, giving him a light slap upside the head.

“No, I just kissed you for the hell of it. Of course I like you, dumbass!”

“And you’ve liked me since intern year.” Even the insufferable grin on his face isn’t enough to make you regret kissing him, which is a first.

“Oh, shut up about it and kiss me again.”

Masterlist

All taglists are open! Send me an ask or a message :)

Permanent: @becausewhyknotme, @criminal-cookies, @theladyoffangorn, @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad, @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam, @fantasticcopeaglepasta, @talk-geek-to-me, @letsmellowjello, @thescarletknight2014, @wemisshim3000, @arabellathorne, @brooklynsmorales, @marvel-dameron

Grey’s Anatomy: @arkofblake, @asianravenpuff

[average-puppet-enjoyer]

Woke up, can’t go back to sleep. Thingken of Spam as always, have a some musings.

I like to see Spamton and Addison interaction because it can be pretty fun/cute as an AU but honestly in canon? I really struggle to bring myself to like them. I feel like not a lot of people consider the fact that the Addisons flat out abandoned Spamton. I see lots of people say that he pushed them away which I could also see happening but there just isn’t evidence for it? As far as I’m aware there isn’t anything to suggest he was nasty to his friends/siblings.  In fact there seems to be evidence to the contrary. The Addisons themselves admit they stopped hanging out with him out of jealousy. They say they stopped going to dinner with him. So it sounds like even after Spamton started to make it big he still wanted to see his friends and continue their tradition of going to the cyber grill. That reallllly doesn’t sound like someone who thinks they’re better than their friends to me.  He made time for them still but they deserted him over something petty. At that point it also makes me question if they really ever cared? Or did they just have him around to feel better about themselves? Cause once he got successful they were all done with him.  And it hurts a little, as someone who has had a couple people I was very close to just abandon me through no fault of my own, to see people blaming him for it. Sometimes people just leave no matter how hard you try to hang on. It happens and it can be traumatic. I see a lot of stuff too where the reasoning for the Addisons not helping him out after his eviction is that they didn’t know where he was and was essentially a missing person to them. But this is also not true? If they didn’t know where he was or that he was around still they wouldn’t show up at his shop after the Sneo fight when he actually disappears. They also seem to be aware of the outcome of the battle and speak almost like they’re grieving. So either they still didn’t care enough to help him out or maybe they were remorseful at that point (One of them going to check on him and the grieving tone would point to this) and wanted to help him but he didn’t want their help anymore. Which I can’t blame him for. I also do not have anything to do with people like that anymore. Like would you honestly want to be friends again with people who dropped you on a dime? Why wouldn't they just do it again? So yeah, I’m not so fond of them in canon. Just some thoughts I’ve had for a while now but haven’t had anywhere to put that I started thinking about again.

Between them and Gaster/”Mike” (which I thinkkkk Mike may be the alias Gaster gave to Spamton but I could be absolutely wrong? It’s been a minute since I looked into the mike thing)  Poor mans has most likely got severe abandonment issues and I feel that deeply.

[welcometothenightcourt]

Hey! I want to apologise again for how I acted with reblogging personal things without at all thinking, hurting one of your sysmates and probably others, but now I have a.. Concern

I think I messed up with my system a bit, let me explain. So, I think I accidentally made myself the 'core', for multiple reasons.

1, my headmates genuinely believe they are my, emphasis on my, altars.

2, when Addison (not me, a headmate) spoke to my partner (also we rarely have amnesia barriers), there was a specific question asked by my partner and Addison replied with 'Anything for you and Emerson', no second thought for herself. At all.

3, they get extremely worried, or at least a bit worried, that I'm not either co-fronting or talking, thinking I disappeared forever and then get huge relief when I'm actually there.

I feel like I'm the main person doing everything, which I am usually fronting, but I don't think this is a healthy mindset for the system at all. May I hear your opinion on this?

P.S. - I really didn't mean to hurt you when I reblogged, I never think at all when I reblog, but I'll admit that's a reason and not an excuse, so I'll apologise again.

Okay so first of all, don’t use the word “core.” There’s no such thing as the core in DID/OSDD. The core is the “original personality,” and that implies that there was a whole singular personality to be the “original” in the first place when there wasn’t. If there was, you wouldn’t have DID/OSDD.

1) A lot of headmates may feel that way at first, and it’s up to you to put you all on a level playing field. See to them, you’re the person who does all the talking, you’re the face of the system. You control the body, and that gives you the most say over it. A lot of alters tend to believe that the host is in charge or more important at first, and that they’re only there for their benefit. It’s up to you to show that you value them and their individual contributions and that rather than them being second class and you being first, you’re all really a big team and you’re equal in what gets done.

2) This is extremely common, especially in protectors, and double especially in protectors that aren’t comfortable in/don’t identify with the body. Alters are formed to help the system, and more often than not, the best way to help the system is by helping the host. The host controls the body, its contact with others, its health, etc., and the body is so important to the system. After all, a hurt body hurts all of you. And if the hosts mental health is bad, so is their physical health. That’s one of the easiest ways to harm the system. Alters are normally very protective of the host and the body and willing to do things for them to keep them happy and healthy for the sake of everyone. Once again, it’s up to you to let them know that they’re allowed to be individual and have their own opinions and wants and to express them.

3) Imagine you spent your whole life living in this house, and you’ve never really had any contact with anyone outside. The parent always opens the door and talks to people and provides food and does the shopping and the teaching and everything. Then, one day your parent just vanishes. You have no idea where they went, but now you have to start answering the door and talking to people and going shopping and making dinner. You would be terrified and worried. That’s an entirely normal reaction. I would suggest letting them know through a note or something (if possible) before you switch out that you’ll be out for a bit but that you’ll be back. Try to set their minds at ease. You’re the host, and for the last who knows how many years you’ve been doing all of the bodily stuff. Suddenly leaving another alter to do it without any guidance can be potentially overwhelming or scary for them and I’d like you to understand that. Try to work up to full switch outs with them and give them some encouragement and tips on how to run the body.

Tl;dr: you didn’t mess up your system. Your system is newley discovered and things are going to be shaky at first. Learning to work together and be part of a cohesive, equal group can be hard and scary and that’s normal. Try to let the others know that it’s okay to be themselves and to be unique and to have personal opinions and such. Let them know that they’re just as important and vital as you are in the system through both word and action.

(Also, you’re the host, so you doing things in the body and closely identifying with it more than the others is entirely expected.)

Hope that helps.

-S

[oboevallis]

Amelia is pregnant again and she and link decide not to tell anyone yet but they go to have lunch with Links parents and then they notice something and Maureen tells Link she knows because of the symptoms Amelia has

the mariners game

thank you so much for the prompt i really appreciate it!!! i hope it’s alright i incorporated this prompt into my unexpected series, i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe

“Mom! Your not ready?” Scout exclaimed as his mother tiredly came down the stairs.

“Huh? For what?” Amelia asked rubbing her eye.

“We’re going to the Mariners game with Grandma and Grandpa!” Scout reminded his mother.

“If your too tired I’ll just take the kids, we’re meeting my parents there anyway so you don’t have to worry.” Link told her as he washed the dishes from breakfast. He knew she hadn’t slept well the night before, this pregnancy her morning sickness had been active at night.

“No, I want to go. Just give me a minute to get ready.” Amelia told him sleepily as she made her way back up the stairs. Once Link had finished the dishes he went upstairs to find his wife.

“Are you sure you want to go?” He asked leaning on the doorway to their bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Scouts been so excited for this, it’s all he’s been able to talk about. I don’t even feel sick right now, just sleepy. I’ll probably sleep in the car anyway, there’s always terrible traffic on game days.”

“Hmm, your favorite part.” Link smirked, Amelia didn’t necessarily have road rage but she was very impatient when it came to traffic. He went behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

“Have your told your parents about the baby yet?” Amelia asked as she brushed through her hair.

“No I haven’t. Should I of already done it?”

“No, I mean it’s still early. We haven’t told anyone, and we shouldn’t of even told the kids.”

“Well you had to make it clear we couldn’t have a dog.” Link smirked once seeing his wife roll her eyes

“No one in this house will let me live that down will they? The dog had an owner!”

“I know I’m just messing with you. You really can’t take a joke can you?”

“I can take a joke.” Amelia defensively stated.

“Not while your pregnant you can’t.” He immediately regretted him statement once he saw the look his wife gave him.

_______________________________________

Link looked over to see his wife fast asleep next to him. He knew she couldn’t of been comfortable sleeping in the car, and he felt guilty for not making her stay home.

“Dad? Do you think the Mariners are gonna win today?” Scout asked anxiously, the team hadn’t been doing great this season.

“I hope so, it’s gonna be a tight one. Especially with our star player out.” He had heard all about the players injury from Nico as he wanted his expertise, but they were optimistic he’d be back in play soon.

“I still don’t get the object of the game.” Addison admitted as she heard her father and brother talk about baseball.

“I think the word your looking for is objective. And your vocabulary has been so good, I’m really proud of you.”

“Benny uses a lot of big words. His dad is a English professor so he uses a lot of big words, so Benny has been teaching me.”

“That’s nice of him.” Link smiled, he was so happy his daughter had made a friend.

“Dad.” Addison whispered leaning closer to her fathers seat. “When we go to the baseball game can we get nachos?”

“Sure.” The girls father whispered back. “Why are we whispering?”

“Because mommy’s sleeping.”

“Why’s mom sleeping?” Scout interjected leaning forward to see if his mother was actually sleeping.

“Because she’s sleepy, she didn’t sleep much last night.” Link answered his son.

“She’ll be awake for the game right? It’s very important she watches the game with us, she’s gonna love baseball once she sees it in person.”

“I’ve been trying to get her to love baseballs for years, I just don’t think it’s gonna happen bud.” Link chuckled. “But she loves watching us enjoy baseball, her absolute favorite thing is seeing you kids happy.”

“Well I’m sure I can convince her, I’m her favorite.” Scout smiled.

“No your not.” Addison quickly said, offended with her brother. “I’m moms favorite.”

“Your mother doesn’t have favorites.” Link firmly stated before the conversation escalated.

“Dad, everyone has favorites.” Scout blatantly stated. “Moms my favorite, what about you Addie?”

“My favorite is mom too.”

“So mom is both of your favorites, not me?” Link faked jealousy, both of the kids were attached to their mother and he couldn’t blame them.

“Mommy is my favorite because she gives the best cuddles.” Addison admitted, looking to her brother for his answer.

“No she doesn’t. Dad gives the best hugs.” Scout defended his father.

“Scout’s right your dad does give the best hugs.” Amelia confessed she had woken up a couple of minutes ago, but she was entertained by the conversation so she kept quiet.

“Who’s your favorite mom?” Addison asked.

“I don’t have favorites.”

“What about you dad?” Addison asked realizing she wasn’t going to get anywhere with her mother

“Hmm.” Link seemed to contemplate this for a moment. “I’ve gotta say your mom.”

“You are ridiculous Atticus Lincoln.” Link looked over to see his girlfriend grinning at him

________________________________________

“We’re gonna lose this game aren’t we?” Scout asked his father and grandfather.

“I think they can pull it together.” Eric confessed on the edge of the seat. The Mariners were pitching at the moment.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Amelia whispered to her husband before standing up.

“Where are you going mommy?” Addie asked realizing her mother was leaving.

“To the bathroom, do you need to go?”

“Nope.” Addison said turning her attention back to the game and leaned against her grandmother. “Are you bored?”

“Just a bit. I’ve been watching this game for years, your grandfather and father are big fans. So I’ve gotten used to it. It was more exciting when I got to see your dad play.”

“My dad played baseball?” Addie asked her father had never mentioned this to her, she had to remember to ask him about it.

“For a little bit when he was in high school, but I made him quit because it was too dangerous.” As this was true the real reason he had to quit was because his cancer had come back, and he was undergoing treatments. But she didn’t want to go into that with her granddaughter.

“That’s what mommy says, she doesn’t want Scout playing it and getting hurt.”

“How are you liking soccer?” The girls grandmother asked, she recalled her son telling about them enrolling her into soccer to help her socialize.

“Oh, I didn’t like it so my mom let me quit.”

“Well, do you have another activity that your interested in?”

“Nope.” Addie shook her head no. “There’s this book club at the library my friend showed me though.”

“That should be fun.” Maureen smiled happy to hear she was socializing, she knew how worried her son had been over it.

“They still haven’t scored?” Amelia asked as she came back sitting between her two children.

“Nope.” Scout popped the ‘p’. “They’re gonna lose.”

“Give them a chance they’ve got this.” Link optimistically smiled.

________________________________________

“Can you believe they won?!” Scout exclaimed excitedly as the group walked into the burger place.

“I told ya.” Link smiled picking his son up.

“It was quite impressive.” Eric agreed as they sat down at the table. “I think the Mariners have a good chance at making the playoffs at least.”

“I hope so.” Scout toothily grinned. After everyone got their food and started eating, Maureen spoke up realizing the neurosurgeon wasn’t quite eating.

“You feeling okay Amelia?”

“Yeah I’m okay.” She forcefully smiled pushing the fries around her plate.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Link put his hand on his wife’s thigh in attempt to comfort her, knowing she was probably feeling nauseous at this time of the night.

______________________________________

“You guys have made the best kids.” Maureen smiled as she stepped onto the porch where her son and daughter in law were.

“Thank you.” Amelia smiled as the woman sat next to her.

“It’s good that Addie is socializing. She’s told me she’s made a friend.”

“Yeah she has.” Link proudly smiled, he knew how much his daughter had struggled with making friends and was relieved she was starting to get more comfortable making friends. “She seems happier, she doesn’t get as overwhelmed when she’s put into a situation, but we’re still working on it.”

“Dad?” The three turned around to see Addison at the back door.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can you tuck me in? I had a bad dream.”

“Of course.” He smiled picking his daughter up causing her to happily shriek.

“He’s the best dad.” Amelia said as she watched the pair walk back into the house.

“I’m so proud of him.” Maureen agreed, she was so happy she got to see her son be a father. She thought she’d never even see him grown up. The two sat in comfortable silence, listening to the noises around them until the older woman spoke up again. “When we’re you gonna tell me your pregnant again?”

“What?” Amelia asked her voice going an octave higher, but when realizing the woman believe her she confessed. “Yeah I am. It’s still early though.”

“Congratulations.” The woman smiled brightly excited to have another grandchild.

“Thanks.” Amelia basked in the slight breeze, she loved sitting outside to think. “How’d you know?”

“Your kidding right?” The woman laughed. “You were up nearly every twenty minutes at the baseball game to go to the bathroom, and at dinner I nearly thought you were going to throw up.”

“Yeah who was I kidding.” The neurosurgeon laughed along with her.

“Do the kids know?”

“Scouts over the moon excited, and Addie was upset at first but Scout’s helping her realize this is a good thing. He’s the best big brother.”

“He really is. Growing up my big brother meant everything to me.” Maureen confessed. “I think it’s one of the most important jobs.”

“It really is.” Amelia nodded think about her own brother who meant the world to her even if he wasn’t there anymore.

[pyroweasel]

Taddison with Fames cause I wanna see what you do with that :)

👉👉

CW for...hunting, I guess? Lots of prey/blood/biting/etc sort of talk.

Takes place in the Trep and Trepper universe - I'll probably throw it on as a new chapter to the Pup series here in a bit.

Trep lets Addison live longer than is likely proper. The excuses are easy to come by - he's still healing, he's not at his prime, Trepper is clearly attached to the human - but eventually the excuses fall away, and Trep turns instead to not thinking about it. There is time yet, plenty of it in fact, before they get to Earth. There's no harm in letting the human live a little longer - especially as he's so willing to babysit in the meanwhile. 

Trep thinks he may even let Addison live until they very nearly land - at least, he considers it, right up until he realizes the bodies they feed on have turned. It's Trepper who clues him in - the whelp seems to pick up the subtle scent of rot first, and even he refuses to eat spoiled flesh. 

There are ways around it, of course. They can both live just fine off of the humans' meals - and now with so few mouths to feed, there are plenty of extra rations. MREs are not nearly so satisfying, though, and it's difficult to imagine living off of them when there remains fresh meat. 

Days tick by where they try it, anyway - but Trepper is unhappy and if Trep is honest he's not much better off himself. He grows hungry, and then ravenous, and it's not so much about the sustenance as it is about the sensations. There is nothing satisfying about badly packed, disgusting 'meat' that might make you sick if you're unlucky - it is nothing like hunting. Sinking teeth into fresh, still moving flesh. Ripping, tearing - it torments Trep. 

When it becomes too much, he decides he's had enough. There comes a night where Trep settles Trepper down as usual and then, once the child is deeply asleep, Trep slips away. 

He finds Addison quickly enough, of course, but he's not willing to give the game up so quickly. So, Trep hunts - he follows the human about as Addison finishes up a few wayward tasks. Trep slips through the vents, along the hallways, watches from corners. 

He can tell when Addison realizes something's wrong - whether it's because of Trep's absence or some human prey instinct. The man's pulse spikes, anxiety thickens the air - it makes Trep's blood pound in turn, his hearts speed in anticipation of the kill.

Trep makes his move as Addison strides in a quickened pace down the hallway to his quarters. The Impostor leaps from a nearby vent and lunges - he pins Addison to the wall, the human's front pressed to the metal, and keeps him trapped there with claws and tentacles and sheer strength. 

Wordlessly, Addison fights - and Trep is taken off guard by the human"s ferocity. It's not enough to move Trep, of course - he has already had his fun and now that his prey is caught, he isn't interested in playing around. He is stronger, by far, than Addison - and it is easy to keep the man pinned. Still, it's impressive just how much strength Addison brings to bear. 

Trep can't stop a slight curve in his lips as the human thrashes beneath him. 

"Get the fuck off of me," Addison finally finds his voice, and in response Trep hums. 

"Sorry Captain, no can do," he answers, even as he shifts a little closer, eyes finding the back of Addison's neck. "For what it's worth, you might be the only human I've ever really found pleasant to be around. Still, I'm starving - and unfortunately for you, you're the only meal left around."

"We had a deal," Addison spits. He kicks back with a leg, and Trep growls softly as it connects rather solidly with a knee. As if in retort, Trep's abdominal maw parts, drool gathers in anticipation - but even as he lowers the mouth in his face towards Addison's neck, he can't help but banter in return. 

"More fool you for trusting an Impostor," Trep murmurs. He parts his jaws, turns his head, and latches them around the back of Addison's neck. He presses, slightly, and as he does he feels Addison go all at once still as stone - except for his pulse, which is racing so quickly it's hard to separate the beats from each other. Trep feels a thrill at the way it races beneath his teeth. 

All it would take is one clean bite. Simple. Efficient. A quick death, even, for a human Trep reluctantly admired. And yet. 

Yet. 

Trep finds himself struck nearly as still as Addison. Flesh is almost broken beneath his teeth but - not quite. Blood rushes at the surface of Addison's skin, but does not yet flood Trep's mouth. Flesh, prey, a real meal - it is at his mercy but still Trep can't move. 

Beneath the bitter, salty scent of fear there is something else. Something familiar, although Trep hasn't ever put a name to it before. It is Addison - a scent unique to the human, a scent that has invaded more of Trep's surroundings than he has realized. A scent that, through the bloodlust and the hunger, registers as familiar. Important. 

Safe. 

Trep growls, but despite his urging his teeth do not clamp any further. Addison trembles - it and his stillness the only outward signs of fear the human has shown. Because Addison is strong. Addison, who looked an injured and violent Impostor in the eye and still helped him. Addison, who only held on and did his best to calm the small Impostor desperate to hurt him. 

Addison, who sings to Trepper when he thinks they're alone. Who treats the boy like his own. Who speaks to Trep like an equal - banters with him in a way he has never experienced before. 

Trep is ravenous, wants nothing more than something fresh and alive to fill his stomach. To feed his child. 

But this is Addison. 

And Trep can't do it. 

His teeth loosen, he relinquishes his many grips. He steps away, suddenly more unsure than he has ever been in his life. His hearts still pound, but their beat feels different now. His blood still runs hot, but he thinks it must be for another reason. 

Then Addison looks over his shoulder - dark eyes full of confusion meet Trep's. 

And the Impostor turns and flees back the way he came, all at once panicked by a new and strange sort of hunger that he just doesn't understand. 

[lexs-movie-review-and-views]

Movies I watched in January 2021.

(only includes movies I watched for the first time)

 A stranger outside (directed by Jake Helgren) – 2018 (12) 2½ stars.

This film is a who is it/who did it movie about a girl named Daphne (played by Brittney Underwood) who is babysitting a young boy called Toby (played by Jet Jurgensmeyer) whose parents are out of town.

I gave it a low rating since I found it very dumb and the acting is not good, a hard movie to take seriously, the characters are also very stupid, and it is an overall very predictable movie.

But saying that, I would still recommend if you want to watch a movie you can make fun of and like seeing family bonds being made (between the babysitter and the boy). It is also a good movie if you want to get into horrors/thrillers or get someone else into them.

*spoilers*

The main reasons I found this a dumb movie is how obvious it was that the maid was the killer, like, what maid only cleans the kitchen and does it in less than 5 minutes? She was also an overall bad killer and felt like a very lazy try.

Also, the girls reaction to everything, I don’t understand why they didn’t lock all the doors and how Daphne walked through the door that she put the windchime, a very dumb move. Also, Daphne’s friends when being killed, I could not wait for the scene to be over, she wasn’t doing a particularly good job at trying to escape.

*spoilers done*

Uncle frank (directed by Alan Ball)– 2020 (15) 5 stars.

This film is about an 18-year-old named Beth (played by Sofia Lillis) who travels back from Manhattan to her hometown Creek Ville, South Carolina, with her uncle Frank (played by Paul Bettany) for a funeral and end up being joined by his boyfriend (Played by Peter Macdissi).

I gave this film such a high rating because of how real this movie feels and how the acting feels so pure and you can tell that they put effort into this. I also just really love family connections in movies. It is just such a beautiful movie, made me cry so much. This film also really highlights how much Frank is terrified of his parents fining out he is gay.

I just highly recommend this movie. Anything I say will not do this film justice.

*spoilers*

The main scenes that really stuck out to me where: 1) The flash back scenes between young Frank and past lover Sam. Mainly the scene where his dad (played by Stephen Root) catches them together one night. And he didn’t the relationship his son had with the other boy, which sends Frank into a panic. This scene also shows the type of man his dad was and how that impacted Frank.

2) The will reading where Frank is outed. This scene really pinpoints how much hatred Franks dad had towards him. In this scene you can also see the sheer panic he has and doesn’t want to stick around and find out what is family will say.

*spoilers done*

Deadly detention (directed by Blair Hayes) – 2017 (15) 1 star.

This film is about 5 high school students; the ‘hot girl’ Lexi (played by Alex Frnka), ‘hot boy’ Barrett (played by Henry Zaga), the ‘sporty female jock’ Jessica (played by Sarah Davenport), ‘the skateboarder’ Taylor (played by Jenifer Robyn Jacobs) and the ‘presumed gay, Christian’ with his bejewelled bible named Kevin (played by Coy Stewart), who all have Saturday detention. Their detention takes place in a now closed prison with someone trying to kill them.

I gave the film such a low rating since its just bad. The script is awful, the characters are written so poorly, I can’t believe this movie was able to be realised, it is also very predictable, you are able to tell who the killer is within the first 10 minutes.

This movie gave me the vibe of a poorly rewrite of ‘the breakfast club’ if it was a horror in prison. But if you want something you can watch to laugh at and not take seriously then you could watch this.

*spoilers*

The main things that really annoyed me with this film are not that the killer was obviously the cop but that:

1)    Barrett never stops smiling! Someone is trying to kill him, and he doesn’t even care.

2)    Taylor and her skateboard, she can’t even ride properly, she should have left it, it’s not important.

3)    Keven and his light up shoes, and how he had to make sure they were on the same colour, he should leave them alone and hide.

4)    And just the fact that Barrett and Lexi care more about hooking up than trying to escape a killer, especially when Berrett is already dating Jessica.

*spoilers done*

Deadpool (directed by Tim Miller) – 2016 (15) 4 stars.

This film is about a man named Wade Wilson (played by Ryan Reynolds), who wants to get revenge on a man named ajax/Francis (played by Ed Skrein) for experimenting on him to cure Wades cancer and to give him healing abilities, but it ends up leaving him disfigured.

I gave this movie a high rating because of how it managed to include multiple genres at once; for example, this film included, action, a little gore, comedy, raunchy and romance. Also, the uses of breaking the fourth wall, I think was done particularly well.

Other things I like about this film is that he does not call himself a hero, because he does not want to be and at the end of the day, he isn’t one, but he’s also not a villain.

*spoilers*

An example of this is right near the end when Colossus is giving that classic ‘you can be a hero’ hero speech, Deadpool shoots Ajax. Because killing him was what the main plot of the film was.

*spoilers done*

Soul (directed by Pete Doctor) – 2020 (PG) 3½ stars.

This film is about the journey of jazz piano player/middle school teacher, Joe Gardner (voiced by Jamie Foxx), who experiences a near death experience that gets him trapped in the afterlife, trying to reunite his soul and body, who is landed the responsibility to be the mentor to the soul, 22 (voiced by Tina Fey), who needs to find her spark to be sent to earth.

I gave this movie a middle rating because I like what it portrays – where your dreams come from, where your interests come from, also that for some, it can take a lot longer than others to figure out what they are. However, I feel like this film feel flat the longer it went on, it also feels like the people working on this got bored at the end and did not care anymore. Could as well be due to do with the fact that there were a couple things I thought would happen and make more sense but did not happen.

But its still, at the end of the day a cute, funny, family movie and great for kids to learn that they should do what they love and its okay if they take longer than others to figure out what they love to do.

*spoilers*

Examples of what I thought would happen/hoped would happen that would have made sense to be in the film are:

1)    I was expecting that Joe was going to realise that he liked being a teacher. The flash backs really set up that was going to happen but then I just did not.

2)    I was hoping that we would get a time skip to a few years later and joe and the person that 22 went into would meet. I was expecting that the happen from the beginning.

*spoilers done*

Adventures in babysitting/A night in the town (directed by Chris Columbus) – 1987 (12 or pg. if you watch the Disney + cut) 4 stars.

This film is about 17-year-old Chris Parker (played by Elisabeth Shue) who is babysitting 8-year-old Sara Anderson (played by Maia Brewton) and her 15-year-old brother, Brad (Played by Keith Coogan), but ends up in a night full of adventures, along with Brad’s friend, Daryl (played by Anthony Rapp), due to Chris needing to pick up her friend, Brenda (played by Penelope Ann Miller).

I gave this movie a high rating because I think it’s a nice funny, sweet movie. I has great family like bonds between them all, which I love to see, and it makes you feel good watching it.

What I liked in this film was that it felt like it wasn’t trying to be realistic and because of that anything so unrealistic that happens feels normal.

I do highly recommend this movie to anyone who likes comedic adventurous films.

*spoilers*

One thing I liked that I found funny was how the gang was trying to capture the kids and Chris all because of the Playboy.

I also really love the scene when we find out Chris’s boyfriend, mike (played by Bradley Whitford), was cheating and after Brads speech about Chris then says he isn’t going to hurt mike because he is a bigger person, Daryl kicks mike. I think the main reason I loved this scene was because it really shows how different each character is from each other, but they still have a great friendship.

One thing that did annoy me about this film was Chris and Dan together at the end. It would have been okay for me, but she broke up with her boyfriend that night. Also, we don’t know how old Dan is, all we know is he is in collage and Chris is 17 in high school.

*spoilers done*

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S (directed by Paul Hoen) – 2018 (pg.) 4½ stars.

This film is about a zombie named Zed (played by Milo Manheim) and a human cheerleader named Addison (played by Meg Donnelly) who become close very quickly and need to hide that due to the fact that humans still believe that zombies are evil monsters.

I gave this film a high rating due to the how this movie made me feel, it quickly became a comfort movie for me, if you watch it you will understand where I’m coming from.

I also want to point out that yes, this is a very cheesy movie but its Disney channel, what else do you expect?

And despite it being the classic Disney channel cheese it is, I would like to pinpoint that it covers issues I think kids should learn about, for example; discrimination, not to pay attention to stereotypes and rumours also not to bully someone and just because they may be ‘different’

Highly recommend to all kids and anyone older if they love cheesy films.

*spoilers*

I have seen that some people don’t like the fact that Addison compared her hair would get her treated the same way Zed gets does, and I can see where they come from but to me, I interpret Addison’s hair and wig as real things people can hide about themselves, so they don’t get treated badly and zombies as something that people can’t hide about themselves.

*spoilers done*

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S 2 (directed by Paul Hoen) – 2020 (pg.) 2 ½ stars

This film is about werewolves coming to Seabrook/Zombietown due to their charms running out of their powers, needing to find the moon stone with help from a whitehaired teenager.

I gave this movie a low rating mainly due to how much it disappointed me. I expected much more, especially because of how the first one was amazing. This film felt very fast paced and felt like they didn’t put as much effort into it.

But saying that I do recommend watching, it’s still a fun time watching.

*spoilers*

Examples of what annoyed me in this movie was;

1.     How the zombies as well as the humans automatically assumed the werewolves where evil. You would have thought that the zombies would be more understanding since humans thought that about them before and that humans wouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion as they were wrong about zombies.

2.     The ban on all monsters when the zombies didn’t do anything wrong.

3.     How bucky went back to hating zombies. I don’t understand why because at the end of the first movie he realised zombies aren’t bad.

4.     Eliza should have ran for school resident! Mainly due to her having such strong views I feel like she would have taken it very seriously.

*spoilers done*

Official secrets (directed by Gavin Hood) – 2019 (15) 3¾ stars

This film is about the true events of Katherine Gun (played by Kira Knightly), who is a British intelligence specialist and leaked secret information about an illegal NSA spy operation made to urge the UN security council to give approval for the 2003 invasion of Iraq, to the press hoping to avoid this from happening.

I gave this movie this rating due to how it keeps you engaged in what is happening, despite it being a sort of slow burn. Also, from what I heard it stayed true the real events (I’m 17 so I wasn’t old enough to remember it myself) and I like how it used the actual news footage.

This movie is also easy to follow and to know what’s happening.

I highly recommend this film if you love learning about true events/find them interesting.

The green mile (directed by Frank Darabont) – 1999 (18) 5 stars

This film is about Paul Edgecomb (played by Tom Hanks and Dabbs Greer), the commanding officer of the death row cellblock at Cold Mountain Penitentiary in Louisiana, who meets inmate, John Coffey (played by Michael Clarke Duncan), who has been accused of murdering two young girls. Paul’s life isn’t the same when he discovers John’s special gifts.

I gave this movie such a high rating because it’s just such a masterpiece of a movie. The actors did an amazing job at portraying their characters and made sure you like the characters your meant to like, despite what they did in the past and dislike the characters your meant to dislike.

This movie also gave me so many emotions, for example, one moment I’m really happy and the movie is making me feel good then the next I can’t stop crying.

Despite the rating being an 18+, I would recommend to anyone 15+.

*spoilers*

I would like to state that the mouse, Mr. Jingles is my favourite character so, if you have seen it, you can guess that when Percy (played by Doug Hutchinson) stepped on the poor thing busted into tears and then when John healed him, I started crying even more because I was so happy.

I also thought the ending to the film was very poetic in the way the Paul is still alive and that being his curse, and having to see everyone he cares about die, due to John being executed despite, in the end, being innocent.

*spoilers done*

 Those are all the movies I watched this month. Please know that these are my opinions, and its perfectly okay of you have different ones.

This is the first time I have ever done something like this so please let me know how I can improve. And let me know your thoughts. 

[dani-luminae]

Who is better in your opinion? Willa or Uma?

Oooh. This is a hard question. I love them both so much, I don’t have an easy answer for this. So I’ll look at it from a few different angles and tell you which is better (in my opinion) from there.

If anyone has anything to add, ask, or debate about this, I’m open to discussion.

Angle 1: Canon writing in introduction movie (Descendants 2 vs. ZOMBIES 2)

First “angle” is the character writing (motivation, etc.) in their intro movie. I’m not counting D3 in this. 

Uma’s original motive was anger at being forgotten on the Isle, mixed with a desire for vengeance against Mal and a will to harm Auradon. I know the fandom has latched onto her “free the Isle kids” point more than the others. She wanted the wand to free her crew and and the Isle and destroy Auradon.

Willa’s writing in Z2 however showed that she didn’t want to hurt humans particularly, she just wanted to find the moonstone and help her pack. We’re sorta left to assume that if the wolf pack found the moonstone without the humans help, the pack would have just taken it back to the forest and probably not bothered Seabrook ever again. They didn’t exactly like the place or show a desire to hurt the humans or Zombies unless said intruders stood between them and the moonstone.

In this angle, Willa definitely came off in the more favorable light. So (sorry Uma) but in this part, I think I preferred Willa here. To be fair: Disney’s half-assed writing was all over in D2, so Uma didn’t get the justice she deserved there, but seems they learned from that with Z2.

Angle 2: Character design

It took me a while to warm up to Uma’s design, although that’s mostly because the first looks we ever get of her were her sitting with Harry and Gil, so her hair combined with her dress just looked like strings to me. Not the best way to show off her design. Also wouldn’t such long hair get in the way during fights? In later promos we see her in movement and her look definitely looked better to me, but still more stylized “VK” more than “practical pirate captain.” I mostly put that down to the costume department really starting to fall down on the job in this movie. Her Cotillion dress was gorgeous, though.

Willa’s first promo showed her standing, posed, perfectly showing off her look. My initial reaction was, once again, very “meh.” I still wasn’t sure what to think of the Werewolves at the time. Fur and claw-marks were obviously the cliché for such a type of character. I’m not sure I actually warmed up to Willa’s style much in the movie, though - throughout her variety of outfits, the only one that actually sticks with me is her Prawn dress, and even then, it’s not all that memorable.

In this part, Uma definitely came off better. Her dress showed up better in the movie than in any of the promos, and the small variations on her main look that we got - jacket on, jacket off, added pants for “It’s Goin’ Down” - made it memorable. And her Cotillion dress was so amazing. Willa’s outfits all melded together and weren’t exactly memorable. (I’m not talking about D3 in this part either.)

Angle 3: Relationship to main protagonist and co.

One of Uma’s original motivations is vengeance against Mal for Mal’s terrible behavior in the past. This continues through D2 and even in D3. It got boring quickly in the third movie, being the source of much useless bickering between Mal and Uma (though Mal, of course, was never any help.) Mal and Uma’s rivalry seemed to be a focal point of the third movie, only to get resolved for no reason at the end, just because Uma forgives Mal after defeating Audrey, for some reason I still have yet to understand.

Willa’s initial reaction to Addison is hostility and disbelief, because Addison is human but has the trademark white hair of the legendary Great Alpha. While Willa is wary of Addison, she still allows Addison to come to the wolf den and seems to let Wyatt hope that she’s the Great Alpha. She trusts Addison enough to allow her to hold onto the Great Alpha moonstone necklace, and looks visibly betrayed and angry when it seems Addison has “lost” it. But after Addison and the others aide the wolf pack in “Flesh and Bone,” Willa seems to renew her trust in Addison, and even gives her the Great Alpha moonstone necklace in the end, after the moonstone has been found.

Overall, I found that Willa had a much more believable “grow to trust the protagonist” arc than Uma did. Mal spent much of her time antagonizing Uma and yet Uma somehow changes her mind about Mal after one good deed that hardly even concerns Uma except for the danger to Celia; meanwhile Addison expressed mostly open-mindedness and a will to learn and help, and while Willa mistrusts non-pack characters, she eventually sees that Addison does want to help and trusts her in the end. When it comes to this aspect of the writing, Willa is the winner here. I’m still angry at the D3 writers for a lot, but mostly their writing of Uma.

Much of this is how I came to make this post.

Angle 4: Original marketing

Let’s be honest, the original TV promos for all the VKs+Ben in D2 were crap. Just them posing and spinning around in a room that looked like a Home Depot basement. It was very underwhelming and it did not make for a good first impression for Uma, Harry, and Gil. I fondly nicknamed them “The Three Villainous Stooges” at least until we had a promo that expressed their actual competence and capabilities, when I promptly dropped that name.

The first TV promo I can recall for Willa was the one where she and the other Werewolves enter the cafeteria and saunter along to some song I don’t even remember. While it was much better than the original D2 promos, it did very little to express Willa’s capabilities either, aside from making it clear she was in command of the pack and was not to be messed with.

In this aspect, I think Willa and Uma tie for this. They both got useless and stupid first promos. Both of them turned out to be awesome and amazing characters because of this. A solid tie.

Angle 5: Current fate

Even including the whole Moonstone Mystery nonsense, so far, Willa is still residing with her pack in the forest, attending Seabrook High School, and friends with Addison and the others. Addison has earned Willa’s trust through hard work and just earnest attempts to help.

As of the end of D3 (and with no mention of Uma in any of the Royal Wedding shorts) Uma is freed from the Isle after apparently forgiving Mal for no reason, and canon says absolutely nothing else about her. Mal earned Uma’s friendship through... lying to her, betraying her, and pleading with her for her help, apparently, and then saving Celia.

Sorry Uma, Willa wins here again.

-

I love both of these characters so much, but when it comes to canon writing, Willa really got the better end of the stick. However, I definitely love Uma, she has so much potential as so much more than being forced to be Mal’s friend (and that’s what fanfics are for!)

Thank you for the ask!

[plastic-portrait]

Hi I apologize if this adds to your workload, so feel free to ignore or so.. but I was wondering if you're still doing the writing prompts, 21 and 44 from the Hurt/Comfort for Sal and Larry? Thank you ♡

A common branSorry for being so late! This is actually an interesting combo of prompts, I had to think for a bit about how to do it. Hope you enjoy! Also TW, I’m not sure if this will be a trigger subject for any of you lovelies but I want to make sure I mention that this prompt contains mentions to things such as substance abuse. 

21: “Where are you? Tell me where you are.”

44: “You’re burning up.”

(Larry’s POV)

I was pacing back and forth across my room, radio in hand. 

“Sal, answer me. Over.” God, it was the hundredth fucking time I’d said the exact same thing. Where was he? I hadn’t seen or heard from him in days. All I got from the others were shaking heads and shrugged shoulders. 

A click and static, then... not Sal. “Hey Larry, it’s Ash. Robert said he saw him come home with his dad two days ago. He went back to work but Sal never came out. Think you can check it out? I’d join you but I have to stay with my brother. Over.” 

I was both relieved and even more worried. This wasn’t what I had expected. “Thanks, Ash. I’m on my way now. Over and out.” 

I swear I’ve never burst into mom’s room like that before. She was confused, clearly, and asked what was up. 

“Can I borrow your keys?” I was out of breath for some reason. 

“Oh, honey, what for?” She sat up in her bed. 

I thought about telling the truth, but I wasn’t sure how that would go. “Sal’s dad is at work and Sal lost his key, so he can’t get into the apartment.”

“Oh, okay sweetie. They’re on the kitchen counter.”

“Thanks, mom. Love you!” I said, quickly running out the door. 

The elevator had never been this slow, had it? Every inch took hours in my mind, leaving me to worry if Sal was even here. Was I wasting time?

Finally, the doors opened. The hall was so empty, so quiet it almost hurt. I could’ve heard the rustling of the carpet if I stopped. I unlocked the apartment door. Walked inside. Nothing.

“Where are you? Tell me where you are Sal.” Normally he would’ve chuckled at my voice cracking like that. 

I looked around the rooms, finally making my way to his bedroom. Something hit the back of the door as I opened it, rattled. I saw a pile of tangled blue hair underneath the edge of the blankets on his bed. I shouted his name and ran over to him, turning him over. He was asleep. It was one of the very few times I had ever seen his face, scarred over with small round holes and larger scars, varying in shape and size like close-up freckles. His blue eye sat in a cup of water on his bedside table. 

I pressed the back of my hand to his forehead. “You’re burning up. Fuck” I whispered under my breath. 

I shook him to try and wake him up. Nothing. His breathing was slow, barely there at all. I grabbed his phone and called for an ambulance. 

“911, what’s your emergency?” A woman spoke.

“I’m at the Addison Apartments, my friend has been missing for several days and I found him, he isn’t responding to me and he’s barely breathing.”

“I’m sending an ambulance to the location, sir. Can you stay on the line with me until they arrive?”

“Yeah, yeah I can stay,” I tucked the phone between my ear and my shoulder, and picked Sal up, carrying him out of the room. He was so much lighter than I remembered. 

When I turned to leave the bedroom, I saw what had hit the door on my way in. An orange bottle, with maybe two pills left inside. Several more empty bottles and one or two full sat on the bookshelf. 

“God damn it, Sal! What were you thinking?” I was sure he wouldn’t hear me, but that was the least of my concerns right now. As long as he made it, I didn’t care.

I waited with him on the front steps of the apartment building for the ambulance. They arrived quickly, and loaded him into the vehicle, with a respirator mask and all. I hadn’t seen them carry away someone alive before. Hopefully, Sal stayed that way. I sat in the ambulance with him, crying my eyes out and just wishing he would be okay. 

After he was settled in, a male EMT sat next to me with a clipboard and asked me what happened. I explained everything I knew. 

“Do you know which medications he had access to?” A lot, for sure. 

“Uh, I know he had a leftover Duragesic prescription, sertraline, Xanax, and um...” I stopped to think, remembering what Sal had told me each one was for. I had asked why he had so many once. “and I know he used doxepin. I think other than that it was just normal household stuff.”

The EMT wrote quickly. “Thank you sir, this helps us radio to the hospital so they’re ready when we get there. We are going to do everything we can.” He spoke to the other EMT, some things I didn’t really understand. 

I held Sal’s hand, which was extremely warm. “It’s gonna be okay Sal. I promise. You’re... You’re gonna be okay.” I couldn’t even see him through the tears in my eyes, just a blur of blue and white. 

When we got to the hospital, they put Sal on one of the rolling beds and they let me stay in the waiting room until he was treated. I wasn’t sure if it was hours or minutes before they let me see him. 

He turned to look at me, slowly. “Larry? What am... what are we doing here?”

“I found you in your room. It’s okay now, you’ll be okay and we’ll go home soon.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath. “Why?”

“Why what, Sal?” 

“Why did you come find me?” He placed his hand on top of mine at the edge of the bed.

“Because I wasn’t just gonna let you die, man, you’re the best thing I’ve got here. I know there are things I’ll never know about your life. I don’t know what happened to you, why you have to feel like this every day. But...” I squeezed his hand gently, “But I’m here. I want to help, I know it doesn’t ever go away totally but I know it can get better. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

I could tell he was crying now. “I’m sorry, Larry. I shouldn’t have...”

“I know. I know. But we just have to move forward from here. I love you, man. We’ll get through this.” 

Our conversation was interrupted by a nurse, checking Sal’s vitals and anything else he needs.  “He’s stable and can be released tomorrow after overnight observation. His father has been notified and is on his way. You are welcome to stay as long as he allows it.” 

“Thank you,” I said, and she nodded to me as she left the room. 

I turned back to Sal. “After you come home, we can all get together and camp out in the treehouse. Mom will make us cookies. Sound good?”

“Yeah. Sounds good.” 

We sat there together for most of the night, even when Henry showed up. I promised I would always be there for Sal, and I’ll be damned if I can’t keep that promise.

A/N: I hope you guys liked this one! I know it’s a bit dark but it’s just what I felt when reading these prompts. If you guys want something fluffier let me know!

For reference to understand why Sal would have these, the medications listed in this prompt: 

Duragesic: A brand of fentanyl that’s used to further treat pain after surgeries. Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that is between 50 and 100 times stronger than morphine. It is prescribed by surgeons after major surgeries to treat extreme pain, or used for cancer patients. With Sal’s facial trauma he would likely have this or a similar prescription after his surgeries. 

Sertraline: A common brand of sertraline is Zoloft, it is a type of antidepressant used to treat PTSD symptoms. 

Xanax:  A common brand of alprazolam, it is used to treat anxiety and panic disorder, I’m guessing many of you already know what this is but just in case!

Doxepin: A common brand of doxepin is Prudoxin, it is used to treat anxiety, depression, and chronic insomnia or other sleep disorders. 

[ssa-montgomery]

I Don't Love You (like I did yesterday)

Word Count: 2800

Summary: Addison Montgomery watches her marriage start to crumble around her, feeling helpless to save it when her husband, Derek Shepherd, is barely around enough to have a conversation about the situation. She turns to her long time friend - and her husband’s best friend - Mark Sloan for comfort but finds more than she ever bargained for. She knows if she continues down this path with Mark, she can never come back from it.

Characters: Addison Montgomery x Mark Sloan, Derek Shepherd, Amelia Shepherd 

Warnings: Angst, swearing, drinking, affairs, smut, verbal fights, emotional hurt/comfort, basically heavy on the angst for this one

A/N: So welcome to my new fic! This story will be following Addison and Mark’s affair back in New York because as much as it’s talked about in the show we never quite find out how it went down. This fic is going to get very angsty and very smutty but I hope I’ve done Addison and Mark’s relationship justice. Also, each chapter will contain lyrics at the beginning and end that fit with the tone of the story and I have made a playlist that contains all these songs plus more so if you want a link to it let me know! I’ve been really enjoying planning and writing this fic so I hope you will enjoy reading it just as much :)

Also special shout out to @alexander-gideon-lightwood-bane​ for listening to my rambling about this fic for months while I made literally no progress hahaha

Feedback is what motivates me to work so please let me know what you think! Reblogs are also greatly appreciated.

Taglist is open!

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Too tired to tell you I ain’t coming home

Stop for a second

Guess I got caught up in leading you on

But I ain’t responsible

For the lump in your throat

Haven’t you had enough of all of this?

Haven’t you had enough of loneliness?

~~~

Mark took the front steps up to the house two at a time and quickly rang the doorbell pulling the collar of his jacket up against the cold. It was late in the day and the sky had been dark with the threat of rain all day but it was now starting to pour down around him. When Addison had called him just before he had left the hospital and asked him to come over to the house he had come straight over. Derek and Addison were supposed to be having dinner that night but when Mark was leaving he noticed Derek’s name on the O.R board and Addison had sounded upset on the phone. It was the anniversary of the first time they had properly met in that library back in med school. Mark still remembered the date from being around them every year when they celebrated and the fact that he had practically shoved Derek out of his chair in the library that day just to get him to go and talk to Addison. He always bragged about being the only reason Derek had the guts to talk to her in the end and had started his best man speech with "You can all thank me for you being here today.“

"Mark!” Addison flung the front door open and stepped out of the way to let Mark in out of the rain. She smiled as she reached up to hug him, careful not to spill the glass of wine in her hand but he didn’t miss the slight sway in her movements. She was wearing one of her glamorous black dresses - it was almost floor-length and the silky material hugged tight to her body -  and her makeup was done perfectly but he could see her heels discarded on the floor behind her. She had clearly already been dressed when Derek called to cancel.

“Hey, Addie.” Mark smiled back wrapping his arms around her. When he leaned in he could smell her sweet rose-scented perfume mixed with the strong smell of her red wine.

Mark kept one hand on her arm to balance her when she pulled away and watched the contents of her glass slosh close to the rim, narrowly avoiding spilling onto the hardwood floors. It clearly wasn’t her first glass and the whole thing stuck out as a red flag to Mark. He had seen her drink a lot before, even seen her partying back in med school but Addison never filled her wine glasses close to the top. Mark had always guessed it was because of Bizzy. 

They had all been out to dinner together as a group once and Bizzy had berated Addison in front of everyone for filling her glass too much, claiming it was “unladylike to drink excessively in public.” After that Addison had always been careful after that, like she was afraid to be criticized again. Bizzy was a hypocrite. Mark had always thought that. She had shamed Addison for drinking “excessively” and yet he had never seen her without a glass in her hand. The Forbes-Montgomery’s might have been a family of borderline alcoholics but they did it with etiquette. After all, they had a reputation to uphold and they couldn’t have anyone threatening that. 

“I brought food from the takeaway down the road,” Mark said lifting up the paper bag of food he was holding in his hand.

“Oh, Mark you’re a lifesaver.” Addison sighed and leaned in quickly to kiss his cheek. The food from the Chinese restaurant near the house had always been their favourite to get when they spent time together. Derek had always hated it, claiming that it was greasy and unhealthy, so Addison could only ever get it with Mark. It became a habit to them whenever they were alone.  “Why don’t you head into the sitting room, I’ll grab plates and cutlery from the kitchen. Would you like a drink? You can open Derek’s whiskey if you like.”

“I’m pretty sure Derek would kill me if I touched his unopened bottle of whiskey.” Mark laughed making his way into the room. He took off his leather jacket and hung it over the back of the couch before sitting down.

“Well, it’s not as if he’s home enough to notice if it had been opened.” There was a slight laugh in her voice and Addison’s tone was lighthearted but Mark could sense the weight behind the words.

Things hadn’t been easy between Addison and Derek recently and Mark wasn’t blind to it. He could see the toll it was taking on both of his friends. Derek had been distant even from Mark and had completely thrown himself into work, doing surgery after surgery. Most nights he now slept in an on-call room in the hospital and he was rarely home anymore. Addison, on the other hand, seemed sad all of the time. Even in the hospital she just seemed lost. Like she drowning in everything that was going on and couldn’t find her way out. Mark didn’t want to push her to talk if she wasn’t ready but he was starting to worry about her.

“Well, I’ll just have some of whatever you’re drinking,” Mark called out to Addison who had now made her way into the kitchen.

When she walked back into the living room she had the plates and cutlery in her hand as well as a new wine glass for Mark. Mark recognised the bottle of the expensive red wine tucked under Addison’s arm, it was a Cabernet Sauvignon, one of her favourites and he had bought her a bottle for her birthday earlier that year. Addison set it all down on the table and sat down on the couch. As she settled back into the corner of the couch she tucked her dress up underneath herself.

“You look stunning by the way,” Mark said leaning forward to grab a plate off the table.

“Thank you. Maybe you can tell my husband that the next time you see him because this was meant to be for him.” Addison sighed stabbing her fork at the food she had just poured out onto her plate.

“Addison, are you okay?” Mark asked turning around so he was fully facing her.

“Am I okay? Yeah, I’m okay. That’s what I keep telling everyone. But am I actually alright? Am I happy? Now that’s a different question.”

“I’m so sorry Addie, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this must be on you,” Mark said and she could hear the sincerity in his voice.

“Well, I suppose when I married someone who I knew was going to become a world-class surgeon I should’ve known he wouldn’t be wouldn’t be home a lot.” Addison tried to smile as she spoke, tried to push down whatever feelings had started to surface when she began talking. Her voice cracked and Mark could see straight through it. 

“Addison, all three of us are world-class surgeons, but the difference is we are sitting here while Derek is at the hospital. He’s my best friend but he doesn’t deserve you making excuses for him. You deserve better than this.”

Addison nodded, not trusting herself to speak around the lump in her throat. She knew she was drunk and she knew if let herself feel it she would cry, and she didn’t want to cry. Not over this and not now. She tried to clear her throat and took another sip of her wine.

As if he could sense the whirlpool of thoughts spinning through her mind Mark reached over and took her plate out her hand placing it down on the table before taking her hand in his. That was all it took. Addison lifted her free hand to her face and roughly brushed the tears away with the back of her hand, smearing mascara across her cheeks.

“Oh Red.” Mark sighed, his voice softening on the nickname. It had started out as a name to tease her with back in med school but over the years it had stuck as an affectionate nickname. He pulled Addison closer to him, wrapping his arm around her and letting her rest her head on his chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m such a mess.” Addison sniffled trying to recompose her herself but as she drew in a deep breath it caught in her throat and she let out a sob that made her shake against Mark.  She turned her head and buried her face in his shoulder as she cried.

“Shush, Addie, shush,” Mark said gently, smoothing his hand over her hair. “You’re not a mess. You’re beautiful. And yes you’re going through a hard time right now but you’re allowed to fall apart. Okay? I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

After a while, the rhythmic stroking of her hair and Mark’s soothing words had started to calm her breathing and Addison looked up at Mark with puffy red eyes. Tears still welled up in the corner of her eyes but they had slowed. She didn’t know if it was alcohol thrumming through her veins or the mixed emotions of the whole situation but something inside her was telling her to lean up and press her lips against his. She definitely blamed the alcohol when she gave in to the feeling. She twisted her hands into the front of his shirt and tried to steady herself as she slowly leaned in.

Once Mark realised what was about to happen he grasped her hands that had been planted on his chest in his own and gently pushed her away. When her eyes met his there was a look of confusion and sadness behind heavily smudged mascara and eyeliner. 

“I thought-”

“Addison, you’re married to my best friend. Plus you’re drunk and I don’t want you waking up tomorrow morning and regretting this. I couldn’t do that to either of you.” Mark explained slowly not wanting to hurt Addison more than she already had been

“Oh right, married. Barely.” Addison scoffed. With how intensely she was staring at the wedding rings on her finger on Mark wondered for a second if she was about to rip them off. “I doubt if I had been any other woman you would have even thought to look for a damn ring.”

Mark was taken aback by the sudden bitterness in her voice and it seemed so was she. Addison let out a shocked gasp and stood up off the couch. He could clearly see the guilt of her own words written across her face.

“I’m so - I’m so sorry.” She brought her hand up to cover her mouth and suddenly the tears were flooding down her cheeks again. “I’m drunk I- just ignore me.”

“Addison.” Mark reached out to catch Addison’s hand again but she just shook her head and took another step backwards. She narrowly avoided tripping over the coffee table before managing to catch her balance again. He hated seeing her like this, he didn’t blame her for what she said. Not at all. She was drunk and upset and had no control over what she was saying.

“You should go Mark.” She couldn’t even bring herself to look him in the eye as she spoke. Her voice shook and Mark could see the effort it was taking her to fight back another sob that was threatening to spill out. 

“I don’t want to leave you here alone like this.” Mark insisted. He couldn’t leave knowing she was like this, the guilt of it wouldn’t let him sleep if he did. She was in no state to be alone.

“Just go.” Addison’s voice was pleading when she spoke again. She was staring at her mostly untouched food on the table through tears that blurred her vision. “If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll call Naomi." 

With that Addison turned around and disappeared upstairs leaving a stunned Mark sitting on the couch. 

~~~

Addison reached across the bed and blindly searched around until her hand landed on the alarm clock, the constant beeping that was ringing in her ears finally stopped. She definitely regretted that second bottle of wine now, hell she regretted the first glass after what happened the night before.

She had been devastated when Derek called to cancel yet another dinner in favour of surgery. She was hoping that for once they could have a night out like they used to, that they could talk like an actual married couple but instead she got what she had grown used to over the past few months. After that, she couldn’t bring her to go to dinner by herself and had called Mark.

What she had tried to do had been impulsive and Mark was right, had she actually done it she would have woken up completely ashamed. As it was she felt awful. Not even for what she had tried to do but for snapping at Mark when he was just trying to be responsible and for pushing him away when he just wanted to help. She told herself at the time that she didn’t know what was driving her to do it but now, lying in bed the next morning painfully sober, she knew. 

Mark was doing exactly what she needed. Exactly what Derek hadn’t in months. He had held her, he was there to comfort her when she needed it the most and had soothed her. He had said everything she needed to hear, told her she was beautiful and that it was okay to feel everything had been building up around her and suffocating her for weeks now. It was simple, she had mistaken finally being shown the attention she needed for attraction in her drunken state. After all, it was Mark, he had never been anything more than a good friend.

She knew now that she needed to apologise to Mark. He didn’t deserve her outburst at him. Glancing at the clock she realised she was already running late for work and she let out a heavy sigh. She showered as quickly as she could, part of her hoping it would wash away her painful hangover, and threw on the first dress she pulled out of her wardrobe. 

She dreaded the mess that would be waiting for her as she walked down the stairs. She had never come back downstairs after leaving Mark sitting there along and the plates and take out containers would still be sitting on the table. Bypassing the living room she headed straight for the kitchen to make her morning cup of coffee for the ride to work. She wouldn’t be able to function without it today.

As she stood by the counter waiting for the coffee to brew she noticed clean dishes by the sink that she didn’t remember washing up and she nearly always put the dishes into the cupboard straight away. She brushed it off, blaming her bad memory on all the stress she had been under recently and poured the coffee into her travel flask.

She walked across the hall to the living room to retrieve her handbag before leaving for work but she stopped in her tracks when she pushed the door open. The table was perfectly clean with no sign of the food from the previous night and Addison’s bag was sitting right in the middle of the table despite her having left it in the corner of the room. 

When she made her way further into the room she saw it. Mark was asleep on the couch with his jacket folded under his head as a pillow. He had stayed to make sure she was okay after all. Addison could feel her heart swell in her chest and a smile broke out across her face. She walked over and gently ran her fingers through Marks messy hair making him stir slightly in his sleep. She wanted to wake him, to apologise for everything that had happened and to thank him for staying but he looked so peaceful and she was already late. Looking down at the cup in her hand she had an idea.

~~~ 

Mark slowly opened his eyes against the harsh sunlight streaming in through the windows and pushed himself upright. His neck was tense from the awkward angle he had slept at and his back cracked when he stretched out his arms. He looked down at the table and smiled at what he saw. Sitting on the table was one of Addison’s travel flasks with a sticky note that read "I’m sorry about last night. Thank you for staying. - Addie." 

Mark picked up the flask and took a sip of the contents. Coffee, just the way Mark liked it.

~~~

I love you like you’ve never felt the pain, I’ll wait

I promise you don’t have to be afraid, I’ll wait

Love is here, and here to stay

So lay your head on me